Zootopia: A movie review, by Addie Oja

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I AM TOO EXCITED TO SEE THIS MOVIE! THIS EXCITEMENT CAUSES ME TO HEAD BUTT MY MOMMY AND MY NANA REPEATEDLY– THAT’S HOW EXCITED I AM! NOTHING WILL DETER ME FROM SEEING THIS MOVIE! NOTH– ooh, this theater has a game room?

I don’t have to pee. I don’t WANT to pee. You can’t make me pee. You’re not my boss.

Wait. Now I have to pee.

PREVIEWS! I need you to explain to me exactly what is happening in all these movies, despite the fact that they haven’t come out yet. I NEED ANSWERS.

Is this movie going to be sad, like The Good Dinosaur? Or, should I say, THE TERRIBLE DINOSAUR? I don’t even want to talk about The Good Dinosaur. That movie was the worst. And you were the worst for taking me to it. Did you know all those terrible things were going to happen to the Good Dinosaur? I forget his name, so I’m just going to call him the Good Dinosaur.

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Nothing but death and misery for The Good Dinosaur

I don’t have to be quiet. YOU be quiet.

What is happening? I don’t understand. Is that the bad fox from the beginning of the movie? Is that a bad guy? Is THAT a bad guy? Is SHE a bad guy?

I’m thirsty. But not for what you’re drinking.

SLOTHS!

This is a scary part. I am going to sit on your lap for the remainder of the movie and fart gently without acknowledging it. I hope you don’t mind. Although I don’t actually care.

Wait, NOW what is happening?

She is sad. That’s sad. But not as sad as The Good Dinosaur. I don’t think anything sadder has ever occurred in the history of mankind than the events of The Good Dinosaur. I don’t think I’m wrong.

Is this a scary part? I can’t tell. Is he bad? Is she bad? Are they bad? Why are they locked up? Are they going to get out? Did they win? Is it over?

Can we go to the game room?

 

 

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I have a whole mission statement here, and a back story for why I’m restarting this blog after eight years, and a myriad of other things I have to tell you in order for any of this to make sense. And I will. I will do all those things. But right now, I’m honestly just trying to figure out how to even publish anything on here? Because apparently the art of blogging has made meteoric bounds since 2008, and I feel like an elderly person trying to tweet for the first time (full disclosure: I also currently don’t know how to tweet. But I plan on learning. In conjunction with this blog. In just a little bit.)

So until then, please enjoy this picture of a sloth:

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