Quite the Week

Without going into details, I have been having what can only be described as Quite the Week.

It’s weeks like this that make me lay in bed awake at night, thinking of weeks past that I thought had gone poorly, and just laugh and laugh and laugh at my former self that thought her worst week was the week that she felt left out at a putt-putt golf outing, or the week she accidentally befriended a homeless person and then accidentally helped him commit a crime. (That actually happened. That week was also very intense.)

But the problem now is that, as I believe I have mentioned before but am too lazy to go back into my archives and link to, I have completely and totally lost the ability to relax. Never exactly a laid-back person to begin with, having children and a stressful job has pretty much rid me of all vestiges of the ability to just chill the fuck out.

I mean, I know what I am supposed to do, in theory– lay down! Read a book! Take a bath! Drink too much beer and stalk old friends on Facebook! But when I try to do those things, a very loud and persistent alarm immediately begins sounding in my head: WARNING! WARNING! LAUNDRY IS GOING UNFOLDED AND I GUESS YOU FORGOT YOUR EMPLOYEE REVIEWS WERE DUE TODAY WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM WHY ARE YOU LYING DOWN ARE YOU DYING BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER LAY DOWN AGAIN UNTIL YOU DIE!

(I just now remembered when writing that review that my employee reviews really are due today. That’s distressing.)

I’m assuming I can’t be the only person who lost the ability to chillax upon entering adulthood. Otherwise, there would be no bitter, Type-A women to unthaw with ukulele music in romantic comedies. Is there anyone among you who found your way back to relaxation? Can you tell me the path? Do they sell wine on the path? Is wine the path?


  1. Nadine Alexis Bolkhovitinov · April 30, 2016

    Your blog reminds me of me when I had young kids. Probably one reason I like your blog so much is that I know you will get through it. You are a survivor and humor may sometimes be your only friend, but a strong friend it is.


  2. Meg Gilbert · May 18, 2016

    Dude, yes. I am, like, constitutionally unable to watch a movie anymore. Or sit down long enough even to take in a half an hour episode of a sitcom. There is always something inside me that is like, this is the only opportunity you’re going to get to mop the kitchen floor and god help you if you don’t take it.
    I definitely think this is the result of having children. The part of my brain that organizes doctor’s appointments and IEP meetings and condiment preferences and the amount of clean clothing currently available to every child never turns off. The part of me that listens even while sleeping in case some dog or child might require my attention ensures that I never really rest, even while f’ing ASLEEP.
    I have no idea what to do about it. Please let me know if you figure it out.


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