Christmas II: Return of the King

As I’m sure it’s become clear by now, I am not a religious person. I don’t have anything against it– I just really, really like sleeping in. But because I like reaping the rewards without actually doing anything, I definitely take full advantage of all the holidays. Christmas is, of course, my favorite, because the spirit of giving and childhood wonder but also presents. Easter, though, has always been a bit of a bummer for me, mainly because I always feel like I’m being yelled at. JESUS DIED FOR YOU, everyone reminds me, AND ALL YOU’RE DOING IS WATCHING DRUNK HISTORY AND EATING TOSTITOS!

My kids have been spared from generalized Christian guilt for the most part, except for a weird period when Addie went to a Christian pre-school down the street and returned home with a LOT of questions about someone named Gina, and it was only months later that I realized she was probably talking about Jesus. Which is good, because according to Addie, Gina was always watching us, and I was just not comfortable with that.

So to them, tomorrow is all about the Easter Bunny, and the pressure is on.

Just like pretty much every single aspect of childhood, Easter is completely different now from when I was a kid. Back then, there were dyed eggs, of course, and usually an eighteen-inch-tall grade Z hollow chocolate bunny (which is totally not a put-down in my opinion, because Easter grade Z chocolate is one of my favorite things on earth). I usually only managed to eat about half of it before ants came to claim it, but that was probably for the best, because there was also about a metric ton of other amazing candies, plus a few little trinkets and a stuffed bunny (I still have my first one– her name is Barbara, because I gave all of my stuffed animals weirdly grown-up names as a child). When I got older, the bunny was replaced by a CD, or a movie. No big.

Anymore, from what I have gleaned, Easter is now Christmas II: The Return of the King (THEY SHOULD TOTALLY MARKET IT LIKE THAT). There are brunches with the Easter Bunny, special themed cakes, and full-blown presents. They don’t even sell grade Z giant hollow chocolate bunnies anymore, at least not that I could find.

I think I struck a good balance between the candy-coma Easters of my youth with a few token gifts thrown in– some Shopkins for Addie, because nothing says Christ is Risen like tiny molded plastic household items, and a Minnie Mouse stuffed animal for Rosie, plus new books for both. We’re also going to attempt our first egg hunt tomorrow morning, which I am really looking forward to, because I’m assuming I get to keep all the candy in the eggs they can’t find, so I’m going to throw a few on the roof, just for good measure.

I’m expecting an excellent Easter Sunday filled with plastic grass, happy girls, Shopkins underfoot, brunch and candy. I like to think Gina would approve.

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