Unpopular Opinion #3

Daylight savings time is stupid.

Specifically, springing forward is stupid. I can fall back all day long. An extra hour in the day? Yes, please! But springing forward is an exercise in disappointment. It’s like waking up to find that you overslept and never quite catching up all day long, but without the benefit of actually oversleeping.

I have never been a fan of daylight savings time, in general. I wrote about it in my college newspaper, where I had a humor column for several years, and I wrote about it again on my old, pre-kids blog. This is partially because I am lazy and not afraid to recycle ideas, but also partly because daylight savings time just really, really sucks, and I feel like someone needs to step forward and acknowledge that fact.

I know everyone loves it when we spring forward, because it’s lighter out later, and spring is coming, but I feel like this is really discriminatory towards cave dwellers such as myself, who vastly prefer a state of permanent midnight (which is ironic, because I also love sunglasses, but I could be that cool girl who wears her sunglasses at night, although everyone I’ve ever known who has worn sunglasses at night has had a drug problem, so maybe not). Don’t you people understand that the sooner it gets dark, the sooner it is socially acceptable to put on your pajamas and lay on the couch? You simply cannot do that shit at 6 p.m. when the sun is still high in the sky. But when it’s cold, and dark, it’s not only socially acceptable to spend the entire evening in front of a fire under a blanket watching episodes of American Crime Story, it is encouraged.

The kids add a whole new layer to the debacle, as well, because they can’t tell time, so they only know that you’re trying to put them to bed while the sun is still up and THAT SHIT IS NOT GOING TO FLY, MOTHERFUCKER. So suddenly it’s 9:30, everyone is screaming, portions of the house are on fire and all you can think is IT’S REALLY ONLY 8:30, GOD DAMMIT, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?

So you can keep your extra hour of daylight. I will be purchasing blackout shades and an extra set of jammies, because I HAVE EARNED THIS TELEVISION MARATHON, DO YOU HEAR ME?

Earned it!

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