Questions for adults

As I’ve previously mentioned, I feel like I am totally faking my way through adulthood. I seem to be getting away with it, since I somehow managed to get married, have a family, and find a job, all without understanding how to manage my 401(k) or properly apply eyeliner. Many of you have indicated to me that you’re faking it, too, but I suspect at least some of you out there are really bona fide adults. And I have some questions.

*Do you actually enjoy eating broccoli? Or are you aware that they’re just tiny trees? Does eating it make you feel like a dinosaur destroying prehistoric forests?

*Where do you store your important paperwork? Is it in a giant Tupperware bin in your basement? Because that’s where mine is, and I can tell you it’s totally worked for me, plus every attempt to find my stock certificate or mammogram results from five years ago is like a big archaeological adventure.

*When did I get old enough to have important paperwork?

*How do you fold a fitted sheet?

*Do people really like Daniel Day Lewis? Or is this just a thing we say because he is a master of his craft, even though we secretly find him very creepy and think he looks like a mustache-twirling villain tying a woman to some train tracks?

*Are you the master of any crafts? Does cross stitch count as a craft in this sense of the word? Because I have completely mastered that fucker.

*How do you know if the waste management company you’re using currently is really the best one for you? Do you actually research this? Or do you just get the same bin everyone else on the street has and hope for the best?

*How did you figure out how to work the pick-up line at school? I still just drive in like a kamikaze and just take whatever kid is nearest by.

*Aren’t you at all concerned about this Donald Trump situation? Is there someone we can call to fix this?

*Why can’t I read an article about Canada’s prime minister without thinking about how hot he is?

*Black coffee, huh? Really?

*Why do men enjoy watching so many shows about Hitler? Do you actually secretly like Hitler? Because I mean, I like Jon Hamm, and make a point of watching every show he’s in. But you guys know Hitler was, like, not good, right?

I hope one day to be able to confidently answer any of these questions, but for now, I am just baffled. Any adults out there, please feel free to chime in in the comments. That is, if you’re not afraid of revealing your True Adult status.


  1. Thaddeus · March 3, 2016

    In which I impart all of my answer:

    * Yes, Broccoli is one of the few vegetables that I can reliably make and everyone eats. Dinosaurs weren’t THAT much bigger than trees, but yes. Yes it does.

    * Is some of that paperwork important? I do as much online as possible, and everyone seems to have PDF statements and stuff.. I throw a bunch of stuff in a yearly tax folder and intend on doing something with it up until I’m doing taxes for the next year.

    * Watch YouTube. I’m a master.

    * I don’t secretly like him, but maybe there was a movie he was in that I liked?

    * I can tie some wicked knots. Cross-stitch totally counts

    * I have a garbage can that I put out and I don’t have to do anything else. I assume the garbage goes somewhere that makes it happy.

    * I park at the end of a long line of cars and eventually my kids show up in my car.

    * So concerned I even made a funny picture with a guy playing a trumpet from his ass to hide my fear.

    * Huh, he _is_ kinda hot.

    * Black Coffee? Yes, but I only started drinking it about two years ago. Realized I had never liked it because I’d never had good coffee. Now I’ll drink whatever shit is hot and in a mug.

    * Shows about Hitler? Like Indiana Jones? I’m pretty sure everyone likes Indiana Jones.


  2. K-ron · March 4, 2016

    I do like broccoli actually. More importantly, The Husband will eat it, and when your significant other will only eat 5 vegetables, you take what you can get. Although one of those vegetables is corn, which doesn’t count.

    Your Tupperware box makes me feel better about my filing cabinet, thanks!!


  3. Emily Partack · March 4, 2016

    Another question for adults: do you actually clean your gutters? Or do you just wait until there is roof damage and then kick yourself for not adulting hard enough?


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