You guys, I love Kanye West.
I know I’m not supposed to. I know that Kanye is a terrible person and also probably clinically insane. And I know that his association with the Kardashian family is supposed to make me literally wither and hiss like a vampire exposed to the sun, but honestly, his music just makes me happy, and I find his confidence in himself inspiring. As someone who generally spends much of her day second-guessing if she even belongs among polite society, sometimes I just need Kanye to tell me “with my ego/I can sit there in a Speedo and be looked at like a fucking hero”. His confidence rubs off on me.
A few months ago, before Kanye went insane, this wouldn’t have been such a risky announcement to make. Sure, there was the whole “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” situation, which I sometimes revisit on YouTube just to pinpoint the exact moment at which Mike Myers realizes that everything has gone horribly wrong and he is probably about to die. And that time that he stole the mic from Taylor Swift and declared Beyonce’s video “one of the greatest of all time”, but let’s be fair, this was pre-1989 Taylor Swift, who even modern day Taylor Swift is pretending never existed.
But over the last few weeks, it’s almost as if Kanye is on a one-man crusade to make me look like an idiot for liking him.
I was just sitting around, patiently waiting for Swish to come out, when one day he announces he’s changed the name of the album to Waves, and then out of nowhere he’s in some sort of Twitter war with Wiz Kalifa, which I don’t even know what that is, but it ends like this:
Okay, Kanye, that’s good to know, but maybe it’s time to cool it on the Twitter for a—
Kanye, what? No, stop.
But then he changes the name of the album to The Life of Pablo and creates the cover art in MS Paint or something:
And there’s a giant butt on it and I don’t know what’s going on anymore, and then he releases a song in which he asserts that he could totally have sex with Taylor Swift if he wanted to because he made her famous, and then acts like it was her idea:
And I’m like, Kanye, please stop, this isn’t working, but instead he doubles down by announcing that he is $53M in debt and asks Mark Zuckerberg to help him—
To which I’m sure Mark Zuckerberg was like “I’ll get right on it.”
Long story short, it’s gotten to the point where people who already know of my love for Kanye West are taking great glee in updating me on his daily exploits as if I personally am responsible for Kanye West’s actions, and all I can do is shake my head sadly and pray that someone changes his Twitter password and doesn’t tell him. In the meantime, I hope he’ll take some of his own advice: