Improving life, one project at a time

So far in 2016, I have gotten a little overzealous with the project-making. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I turned 37, or that it’s winter and it always seems a little easier to start something new when you’re trapped inside, or just that I am a masochist who enjoys setting herself up for failure. But I felt like it was time for a change, and what better way to do that than by blowing up everything that you currently have?

Aside from this blog, I also have the following projects going:

  1. Learn Spanish. This is something I have wanted to do since our honeymoon in the Riviera Maya, during which Ben purchased tickets to a tour from a strange man on the beach (because that seems like a totally legit method of booking travel arrangements) and it turned out the tour was all in Spanish. We didn’t have watches and didn’t know how to ask someone for the time, so we resorted to creeping up really close to people with watches on and trying to peep the time off them. Then we realized it didn’t even really matter if we knew what time it was, because we also couldn’t understand the tour guide when he told us what time to be back, so instead we just watched other people from our group and did whatever they did, rendering us essentially the world’s worst mimes for the remainder of the trip. I have picked up a little more Spanish since then thanks to Dora the Explorer and her intrepid cousin Diego, but surprisingly, knowing all the colors hasn’t really come in too handy in everyday life. Now I’m using Duolingo, and according to their website, I am now 16% fluent in Spanish, which honestly seems kind of unlikely, since I have been using it for about a month, and so far I still don’t know how to ask someone what time it is, but I can say so far all I can say is things like “the penguin drinks juice” (el pingüino bebe jugo).
  2. Learn to meditate. I hear so many things about the value of meditation, and how it improves people’s sleep, and their stress, and somehow also clears up their skin and gives them the power to levitate or something? I don’t actually know, because while I have gone so far as to download a bunch of books on the topic, I have yet to read them, and so have not actually started mediating yet, unless you count that feeling you sometimes get when you’re driving and suddenly you look up and you’re at your destination and you don’t remember how you got there, although that seems less mindful and more really dangerous.
  3. Lose 30 pounds. 2015 was kind of a stressful year for me. I know some people lose weight when they’re stressed, because they’re too anxious or busy to eat, but I am the exact opposite. I stress eat like it’s my job, and as a result, what used to be my fat pants are now just my pants pants, and I’m not ready to sail off into that sunset just yet. This is also not going super great, as I just start every day with amazing intentions, and end it crying while jamming doughnuts in my face. Perhaps if I were more mindful, I could break that cycle. Or if I had to pass a Spanish quiz to open my pantry…

There are other mini-projects in the works, too– Operation Drink More Water Even Though Water is Gross and Diet Pepsi Rules, Operation Don’t Be an Animal, Make Your Bed Every Morning, and a few others, but these are the big ones. I’ll keep you updated as events warrant. Until then, always remember: el caballo no es una fruta.

I’d call it the Toddle On Inn

I have only as long as it takes my youngest daughter to eat a bowl of ice cream (which could be anywhere between 45 seconds and 10 minutes, depending on whether she gives up and just starts shoveling it in with her hands), so I must be quick.

But it’s a good metaphor, really, for every-day life with a toddler. You must be ready to live your own life– the life that’s just for you, not the one you live for your kids, because that does happen, no matter how much you swear that it won’t happen to you— in the gaps when they are occupied, because they will never, ever let you do it otherwise.

This makes it sound very furtive and sneaky, like passing notes between prisoners when the guards aren’t watching, but honestly? It kind of is.

For instance, I just had to take a ten minute break from this blog to convince Rosie to finish eating her ice cream, just so I could have a few more minutes to write. I literally had to plead with a toddler to eat ice cream. 

There should be a resort where the staff is required to cater to the guests exactly as if they were toddlers. I want to be able to stand in the middle of the lobby wearing just underpants and a headband and make unintelligible yodeling noises while the staff attempts to talk to each other about very important things, and then I want to be able to pick up all the local wildlife by its hind legs and run awkwardly around the grounds while the maids try, but fail, to stop me.

Although that might actually not be as much fun as it sounds– which, to be honest, isn’t actually that fun, when you really think about it– since I’d also have to go to bed at 8:00 and would have to wear one of those chest floaties to go in the ocean. And also, everyone else would also be acting like toddlers, and I definitely couldn’t handle that.

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She chose hands.